Today when I went out for a smoke in the morning, I realized what a fucking wreck I am.
These things I do, are simply not good for my body. I can't find my veins, the places where I inject is kinda fucked up. When I'm on speed, I don't eat or sleep, but when I'm on opiates I eat too much and so on. I also have noticed that it has torn my memory apart. I can't remember what I did yesterday or an hour ago.
This is kinda scary to realize that I will be looking like, and be, a fucking junkie. But hey, that's part of this life. I have chosen my path and I have to suffer the consequences. Don't play the game if you can't take it.
But under the time of your abuse, you will certainly realize what the substance does to you. It may take few months, or even years. Some people will never realize this. I was aware of this over a year ago, but it took fucking long time untill I admitted it to myself. A narcotic person is always makeing up lies and excuses to him/her self. That's kinda scary...
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